Best Library Ever!!! Worst President Ever
Now Available on Amazon
Best Library Ever!!! Worst President Ever: The Top-Secret Plans for Donald J. Trump’s Presidential Library and Museum. Did you know that every U.S. president gets a presidential library after leaving office – and YOU pay for it? This book reveals leaked plans for the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library & Museum and tours this zany zone.
Enter from Witch Hunt Way, where the golden Trump buses (petroleum-fueled, of course) will chug up Ivanka Avenue to the majestic main entrance. Gaze upon the pair of enormous marble lions standing guard outside. These statues are modeled after actual trophies borrowed from the extensive collection of Donald Trump, Jr. and are six inches taller than the lions at the New York Public Library.
Tour the Library
(OF SMOKE AND MIRRORS)
An enormous map stretches from floor to ceiling along one wall, showing all the Trump properties around the world – even those that have already removed his name or been rebranded.
Huge “Like” buttons placed throughout the interactive exhibit allow visitors to vote for their favorite tweets as many times as they want, then watch as the numbers keep going up! Poster-sized prints of the winningest tweets of all time are available for purchase in the gift store.
Vivid dioramas feature life-sized wax figures of Trump as he triumphs over world leaders.
Who else but Donald J. Trump gives you a chance to feel like the ultimate winner for just $7.25 – the tower’s real address on 5th Avenue? As you descend, wave and gloat at the poor losers hoofing it down the stairs.
A dungeon, Florida style, features many of the characters on Trump’s revenge list, allowing visitors to experience the exhilaration of settling old scores.
This archive clears Trump of any wrongdoing, ever.
Sponsored by the United Russia party, V. Putin, and “friends,” this impressive wing greets museumgoers with a warm personal welcome from none other than the Russian president himself.
Just like the Berlin Wall is exhibited at museums around the world, where pieces of the once-proud and defaced barrier serve as a symbol of what was, the wall erected at the Trump museum showcases his singular vision of what could have been – if only America had listened to him.
For a mere $100, visitors can spend an hour on a UV sunbed, or if short on time, pick up a tube of Don’s favorite cadmium Orang-U-Tan Cream for just $20.
It includes photos of Trump’s parents, but none of his wives or children, since he didn’t display them during his term in office.
In line with his own dietary preferences as well as a museum- wide ban on political correctness, Trump’s cafeteria scoffs at recommended daily allowances and takes advantage of relaxed food-safety regulations.
Designed to accommodate Don’s phobia of germs, visitors can get in and out without touching the golden door handles or toilet seats, and each toilet has an automatic flush to take care of business.
Visitors are encouraged to file in, silently gaze upon Trump’s portraits, pause at the altar, and pause again at a donation box on their way out.
Even though Don is superstitious and one of the oldest presidents, the plans for his library do not spec out a grave or a memorial site. Quite likely the monument will be big and the modesty small.
Trump University will be exhumed and ready to teach you the secrets of not just real estate but political success
Look out for the “Ukrainian Democracy Destruction” shooter games and the “Penny Falls” slots which never seem to pay out a penny.
If you have any money left, the (for-profit) gift shop will try and part you from it.