Paul Orwell
"the lie became truth"

May 13, 2019

The Shittery: A Lexicon of Modern Trumpspeak

(From Total Sh*t Donald Trump, available as a free ebook here)

Donnie’s shit so permeates every aspect of our lives that he is turning America into a total shittery, a place so muddied by browns that even familiar shit can be unrecognizable. This Shittery will help you get your bearings in our Trump-centered world, providing explanations for how and why the shit truly hits the fan. Just below it are some un-shitty bonus definitions. 

We welcome suggestions, revisions, and insertions. Email paul@paulorwell.com 

AIN’T GOT / Ain’t got shit on me: Trump’s position on Russia 

ALL OVER / Shit all over: Donnie trolls latest target 

BAD / Bad shit: Trump not happy 

BANG / Bang like a shithouse door in a gale: door noise as fired staffers exit 

BARR / (i) complete idiot (ii) current Attorney General BE- / Beshits: soil with presidential 70 BE- / Beshits: soil with presidential excrement 

BEAR / Does a bear shit in the woods?: Does Trump fabricate facts? 

BEAT / Beat the shit out of: punishment meted out to dissenters at Trump rally 

BED / Shit the bed: Donnie tweets in the morning 

BETWEEN / Stuck between a shit and a sweat: Republicans facing re-election 

BIRD / Stick that bottom lip out any further and a bird might shit on it: Trump pouts at Merkel 

BRAINS / Shit for brains: matter inside Trump’s cranium 

BREATH / Shit breath: Donnie needs Tic Tacs 

BRICK / Shit a brick: start building The Wall 

BRICKHOUSE / Built like a brick shithouse: able to withstand caravans 

BULL / Bullshit: only language Trump speaks fluently 

BURGER / Shitburger: dinner ordered for college football championship teams 

CANNED / Shitcanned: fired while literally sitting on toilet, e.g. Rex Tillerson 

CAT / Slicker than catshit on linoleum: Sarah Huckabee Sanders 

CAT- / cat-shit crazy: DJT after unfair segment on Fux News 

CHEAP / Cheap shit: Trump-branded rubbish meant to evoke wealth 

CHOCOLATE-COVERED / Chocolate-covered shit: sweeten it up, swallow it down! 

CREEK / Up shit creek: our environment at present; both water and climate not good 

CROCK / Crock of shit: Barr’s summary of Mueller report 

DADDLE / Shitdaddle: run away from the president 

DEEP / Deep shit: Trump thinks for a second 

DIP / Dipshit: stock market goes down after a Trump tweet 

DOG / Dogshit: women Donnie finds unattractive 

DUMB / Dumb shit: Donald J. Trump 

EAT / Eat shit: work for POTUS 45 

-ERATI / Shitterati: celebrities attending the 2016 inauguration 

FACED / Shit-faced: Trump after applying tanning lotion 

FAN / When the shit hits the fan: Trump bodyguard punches protester 

FIT / Have a shit-fit: Donnie reads bad press 

FLIES / Like flies on shit: religious right visits White House 

FOR BRAINS / Shit-for-brains: Tillerson’s assessment of Donnie 

FRIGHTEN / Frighten the shit out of: Russian pee-tapes 

FUCKING / Fucking shit: Trump has extramarital sex 

FULL OF / Full of shit: 2+ days since Trump had bowel movement 

GET / Get one’s shit together: prepare for deposition 

GIBBON / Shitgibbon: Trump explaining himself 

GIVE / Give a shit (or two shits): POTUS 45 does not 

GIVE SOMEONE / Give someone shit: be Donald Trump 

GOT / Got the shits: Trump gets letter from the Southern District of New York 

GRIN / shit-eating grin: Donnie after Mueller report 

HAPPENS / Shit happens: Trump’s work philosophy 

HEAD / Shithead: golden hair on pate 

HOLE / Shithole: any country in Africa 

HOLY / Holy shit: The Pope; Donnie calls him “disgraceful” 

HORSE / Horseshit: Trump University coursework 

HOT / Hot shit: (i) Trump under a sunbed; (ii) attractive female to Donnie 

HOUSE / Shithouse: Mar-a-Lago 

HUMAN / Shitty human: Donnie 

IGNORANT / Ignorant shit: Stephen Miller 

IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD / Shit in your own backyard: pro-Trump rally in your home city 

JACK / Jack-shit: what Donnie gives to charity 

KING / King Shit: Donald Trump 

LIST / Shit list: (i) Democrats who annoy Donnie; (ii) loyalists who contradict him 

LITTLE / Little shit: Marco 

LOT OF _ TO DO / Lot of shit to do: many attorneys to speak to 

LUCK / Shit out of luck: Trump’s casinos close down 

LUMP OF / Lump of shit: Donnie MEAN / Mean shit: (i) Robert Mueller; (ii) lie 

NASTY / Soft as shit and twice as nasty: Trump in bed 

NO / No shit: Trump out of office 

NOSE / Shitnose: head up Donald’s rectum, e.g. Barr, Bolton, Jared 

OH / Oh shit!: realization on waking that it isn’t a dream – Donnie is POTUS 

OLD / Old shit: Donald Trump 

-OSPHERE / Shitosphere: within farting distance of DJT 

OUT OF LUCK / see Luck 

PACK UP / Pack up your shit: electoral result of 2020 

PANTS / Shit one’s pants: defeated by Nancy Pelosi 

PAPER / Shitpaper: Washington PostNew York Times 

PIECE / Piece of shit: any Democrat in Trump’s eyes 

PIG / Happy as a pig in shit: Stephen Miller 

PILE / Pile of shit: inbound mail to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue 

PISS AND CORRUPTION / Shit, piss, and corruption: Donnie’s daily routine 

PUSHING UPHILL / Pushing shit uphill: reasoning with Donnie 

REMEMBER / Can’t remember shit: Trump under oath 

RICH AS / Rich as shit: as rich as Donnie, i.e. not that rich at all 

-SACK / Shit-sack: Donnie’s physique 

SACK DAY / Shit-sack Day: holiday celebrated after Trump loses, retires, or is impeached 

SACK OF / Sack of shit: Donnie’s physique 

SAME OLD / Same old shit: another day in the Oval Office for Donnie 76 

SANDWICH / Shit sandwich: squashed by Donnie on the mattress 

SAUNA / Shit sauna: Trump’s tanning bed 

-SCRAPER / Shitscraper (i) Trump Tower at 725 5th Avenue, New York; (ii) metal bar to remove shit from boots 

SCENE / Shitty scene: Donnie explaining to wife where he has been and with whom 

SHERLOCK / No shit, Sherlock: Donnie to Mueller 

SHINOLA / Know the difference between shit and Shinola: Trump doesn’t 

SHOOT / Shoot the shit: apprehend illegal immigrant with gun 

SHOVEL / Shovel shit: hold press conference for Donnie 

SHOW / Shitshow: The Apprentice 

SNIFFLE / Shit sniffle: subtle sign that Trump’s parking a turd 

SOFT / Soft as shit: Donald Trump without an election/erection 

SQUIRREL / Nuttier than squirrel shit: Ben Carson 

STACK / Didn’t know you could stack shit that high: (eventual) realization of Rex Tillerson 

STAIN / Shit stain: self-tanning lotion on clothes 

STINK / His shit doesn’t stink: Trump guarantees it 

STIR UP / Stir up shit: send a tweet 

STIRRER / Shit-stirrer: New York Times 

STOMPERS / Shit stompers: supporters at Trump rallies 

STORM / Shit storm: Hurricane Maria 

SWEATS / Shit sweats: what congressional Republicans feel when defending their man 

TAKE / Take shit from: remove papers from Resolute desk 

THE / The shits: (i) feeling after listening to Donnie; (ii) the Cabinet 

-TER / Shitter: place where Donnie tweets 

THICK / Thick as shit: born with Trump’s intelligence 

THROW / Throw shit against the wall: manhandle a protester 

TICKET / Shit ticket: Trump + Pence for 2020 

TON / Shit ton: large number two 

TOO OLD / Too old for this shit: Steven Bannon 

TOUGH / Tough shit: President Putin 

TRUMP- / Trumpshit: pure presidential excrement 

TURNED TO / Turned to shit: Donnie touched it 

UP TO YOUR NECK IN / Up to your neck in shit: investigating Donnie, e.g. New York district attorney 

WEIRD / Weird shit: POTUS 43’s opinion of POTUS 45’s inauguration speech 

WENT OUT / Went out to shit and the hog ate him: staffer went to see POTUS and got fired 

WRITES ITSELF / This shit writes itself: ink from Steven Miller’s pen 

ZERO / Zero shits given: Trump aid to Puerto Rico 

(From Total Sh*t Donald Trump, available as a free ebook here)